Oh Clarity, how amazing you are and no I do not mean the John Mayor song! Little moments built up in the past week to give me a dose of clarity of my current life chapter. No, not the clarity of figuring out a foreign document or a good recipe. No, this is the clarity you normally need a glass of wine to accompany you with. Realizations that make a little sense of life only to then make you realize chaos may follow. Yet, somehow my mood has gone from 0 to 10 and no red bull or coffee was involved.A change from the many battles in my head over life, romance, work and anything with sugar. I had a break this week and this week’s life realization is a good one, like a good wine that gets better with age as clarity is something that mostly comes with time.
It could be that my lack of carbs this week (thanks Passover) that has made my brain a little lala for sentimental moments. Every little realization became a Dawson Creek moment that needed a good song. Sitting at a 5 hour long dinner and having your ex pass you the salt was a lovely clarifying moment that I really could not care and happy to have closed that chapter. It is a weird feeling when an ex now feels like an older brother who like a brother may interrogate your future husband. Between speaking with a lawyer and coping with my unfortunate circumstance of a walk from the metro station, I got a clarifying moment of what exactly I want from all of this, which is simply to be able to heard and then close that book forever. Even the little things, just as the clarifying moment that Ikea does sometimes make crappy pans and you need a new one. Somewhere between looking at dream houses and enjoying the wonderful inflation of weekly shopping, you realize that your ideal salary is an important factor for your future. Then that lets loose a mind map in your head of what your ideal job and future is. You get that push to set a time line and make some plans.
Absolutely NO WAY would I have had this clarity 5 years ago when life was writing a thesis on whisky or 1 year ago when I was in a relationship that came off the pages of Fiddler on the Roof. Even 3 months ago, when I had some vendettas to work out and it wasn’t with the new Yoga moves. Time is a wonderful thing, you becomes wiser with time and age. With time, I realize relationships ended for a reason only to make me a better person. Unexpected life events are horrible, but you get the clarity of things you never realized were there and get yet again stronger. You realize you should have questioned the way you dressed and dyed your hair 5 years ago a hell of a lot more. You also realize nothing is what it seems at the time. Everything happens for a reason, but you get your reasons in a clarifying moment which may come with time and always unexpected. Knowing what I know now about time and clarity, I feel like Einstein. Majority of the time, clarity is one hell of a good thing. It may bring a little chaos, but it grounds you. It brings hope that good things will come. The uncertain future becomes exciting. The chaos of not knowing the path of where your romantic prospects will go becomes one thrilling ride. The clarity that you will just go with the flow and time makes every day feel like a party. Your energy levels hit a high because your excited for life, but you remain a little scared too, not going to lie, it is terrifying, but nothing a glass of wine and good friends wont fix.
You can wait for clarity on something particular, but it may feel like your on a deserted island alone. But enjoying life while you wait is 10x better and one day you will get the clarity you want. So now that I have had some moments that warrant an Oscar worthy movie script, I will just go with the flow and let time tell. For all I know, in a few years I will look back at this moment and say I was in a total quarter life crisis, but that is life!