The in between phase: the phase that starts at the end of one relationship to the start of a new romantic chapter whenever that may be. Not to say that my book of life consists of chapters based solely on past romances, but I have noticed a pattern amongst women. Fall in love, breakup, get lost in what if’s and a dream of the person you long for. It as if we are always in love with someone whether you are with them or not. No matter how unrealistic, we stay in love until that love becomes history when we meet someone new and a new love forms. It as if you are single than most likely you are dreaming of someone from your recent past and your stuck until you meet someone new. Looking back at my unsuccessful romantic rendezvous’, I realize I was always yearning for the one I lost and was not cured until I met someone new. Being single is like being in the between phases of two relationships, the old one and new one. Well I am in that phase and I have not met someone new. However, this time I decided I would do things a little differently and transform the between phase that seems to plague many people in my shoes!
To say I learned from my mistakes, is an understatement. I am not saying that I won’t still make one, but my days of baking cakes to win back the ex are long gone! I do not know if it is because my last phase was a great guy that truly inspired me or the reality check that I had 2 failed relationships in one year. But I must say that my between phase is no more and has completely become a me phase. Romantic daydreams may still surprise me, but my life is now about me and moving on with life. I realized very quickly how I lost myself in the past year, I got lost in relationships. I forgot that I need my group of friends. Build my own support network in NL as an expat. I need to do things that will make me happy and that life is only good when you individually are good and not because of anyone else.
Determination hit me like a ton of books when I returned from a trip from the USA. Drastic changes came at me from all sides within a week; work, relationships and beyond. I kept my head high, kept my humor and woke myself up that a better me meant more success in the future on the romance front. Afterall, isn’t a well-developed woman sexy? Within one week, I signed up for an intensive advanced Dutch course,went to London, continued on the rowing team, hit the gym like crazy and signed up to do a boudoir photo shoot. Did any of things have relevance to winning someone back? Absolutely not! It was all for me.
My heartache phase was overtaken by the self-development phase. The future is no longer only exciting by romantic prospects, it is exciting through things I will do for me. For example, I have been waiting for 2 months to do my boudoir photo shoot over the weekend. While if my mother found out she would kill me. I simply must admit it felt great and I feel that I am finally at a place where I can slap anyone who choses to criticize my looks. More importantly I felt so damn sexy,while it could be the 130$ victoria secret lingerie that made me feel sexy. I must say it was simply my confidence and the fact that I feel amazing at the moment and where life is going. It is an added bonus that this alone is attractive in itself to the opposite sex.
Somewhere between keeping busy and trying to forget the what if scenarios. Your me phase helps you cure a heartache. Your mind lets go of the little things that annoyed you and you see more clearly of what was and why the past is the past. You feel like your are only getting better for whatever is next in life and yes that can mean a guy. Or it could simply be I am getting older and wisdom comes with it. However, I am lucky to figure out this wisdom now. The wisdom that you don’t need to always be in an in-between romantic phase.
My between phase is no longer a stalemate like it has been in the past. The phase has been redefined and I am no longer waiting for a new Prince Charming to get me out of my current romantic blues or my between status. Afterall I am happy with my current phase and it is now a phase of moving forward on an individual level, a phase that will be more permanent, not forgotten and carried through the next romantic chapter. My mind frame is now what happens will happen and this alone keeps the day exciting.
…now lets see if in one month this logic remains!